On having a relapse

Yes, you’ve guessed it. As the title suggests, I appear to be having a relapse. It actually started about 3 weeks ago and I’ve held it together quite well since then. Symptoms have been a lot slower to come on so I’ve managed quite well. It started from the bottom up this time; feet first; although I have been a lot more steady than I was at Christmas.

I have seen my consultant who has arranged for another scan. It’s the first time he mentioned MS. He refused to entertain it before after I mentioned my concerns. He was convinced it was gonna be a one-off. After the scan, in about a month from now, I will know more.

I don’t want to be negative. Mostly I wanna just not think about it 24 hours a day so I haven’t told a lot of people. But this morning, I’m starting to lose my hands. They feel odd when I type, I’m starting to struggle to write neatly with a pen. I thought it had reached a plateauΒ already but obviously not. Losing my hands will be the worst. If it gets really bad, I will have to call sick at work, I will have to stop driving and I will struggle with everything. Again.

So mostly this morning, I’m peed off about the fact that my scan is 3 weeks away with a further 2 weeks before I find out the result; and that I’m so tired I just want to go back to bed and atΒ all the other inevitable complications that come with not being able to drive or work.

There are a lot moreΒ worries in my head but I will not say them out loud until I have the diagnosis that I’m dreading. There is still about 5% of me that hopes it’s some other freak infection.

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6 Comments

    1. Thanks Maddie! I have mostly good days and always find a silver lining but this morning I just had to write down how I felt. It really helps to have everyone’s support, so much more than I ever thought πŸ™‚

  1. Hope for you the unknown disperses soon. Have you found anything like yoga or massage helping? I had my MRI last week, wont know until end of August. Ive been getting stiffness in my thighs now too as well as the tingles in calves/feet, keep telling myself it’s just old age ;). Xxx

    1. Old age would be an amazing diagnosis lol! Haven’t tried anything tbh. I can find it hard to move at all as each day goes by. Massage is a no no, and I love a good massage. Right now I feel so numb round my torso I hate anyone touching. Didnt realise you had aymptoms like this too?!

  2. Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the scan gives you a diagnosis and it is something easily treatable. I’m keeping everything crossed. I hope you have lots of support close by to help out if you do need to take some time out to rest. Lots of love and hugs. xx

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